Your Bad Boss Didn't Intend to Be Bad (and How You Can Avoid the Same Fate)
Do You Know This Person?
Have you ever met an aspiring leader who says, “I want to be a horrible boss.”
I’m not saying there isn’t a random psychopath or two out there, but for the most part, if you have a lousy leader in your life:
Your bad boss didn’t intend to be bad.
Think about that for a moment.
Let it sink in; it’s important.
They might have taken the position for many reasons, but their goal was never to be a jerk, to fail, or to make life miserable for their team.
If you’ve ever had a bad boss, those awful outcomes are byproducts, never goals.
Why It Matters
“So what,” you might say. “That doesn’t excuse their behavior.”
No, it certainly doesn’t.
But it should serve as a warning.
If you’re an aspiring leader or in a leadership role now, you certainly don’t intend to be a bad boss.
Neither did they!
How is it that so many managers, leaders, and supervisors get it so wrong?
The answer to this question is crucial to your leadership success. That’s why it matters.
Where We Go Wrong
I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching leaders as well as learning from my own mistakes. These are the things I’ve observed that most frequently trip up leaders:
1) Misaligned Motivations
Why do you want to lead?
The most common reasons are the five “P”s:
- Power - you want the ability to tell people what to do
- Prestige - you gain a sense of well-being or pleasure from the title
- Purse - you want the increased pay that often comes along with the role
- People - you want to serve the team or organization
- Purpose - you want to achieve a specific mission
Many leaders who turn into bad bosses take their roles for one of the first three reasons (or a combination of them).
The problem is that these motivations are misaligned with what it takes to succeed.
Leaders accomplish results with a team.
Relationships and results: those are the critical motivators for successful leadership.
I don’t mean to suggest that the first three won’t or shouldn’t ever exist, but if they are your primary motivations, you’re going to struggle.
Our brains are built with sophisticated mechanisms to keep us alive. Specifically, when it comes to self-preservation, our fight, flight, and freeze responses work quite well.
However, when you want to lead a team, those hard-wired tendencies can easily sabotage your credibility and influence with your people.
When you are stressed (as you certainly will be), you simply can’t rely on your hard-wired emotional reactions. They may keep you alive, but often at the cost of the very relationships you need to succeed.
We all learn less effective leadership strategies from our parents, from teachers, and from our own managers or supervisors.
It is easy to continue doing what we’ve learned from people we respected. It takes significant emotional effort to do something else.
4) Missing Tools
Leadership includes stress. Results matter. People are counting on you.
When the pressure is on, do you have tools that help you work with your team, that build your credibility, that increase your influence and the team’s performance?
Or do you fall back to the trusted (but self-sabotaging tools) of your biology and sociology?
There are many reasons your bad boss turned out the way they did.
Your bad boss didn’t intend to be bad.
I’m not excusing their behavior…just asking you not to use it as an excuse for your behavior.
The answer to a lack of leadership is leadership.
Now that you know the issues that can derail you, take responsibility and begin doing the things you wish your boss would do.
- Want encouragement? Start encouraging.
- Want vision? Start asking everyone (your boss included) what they believe is possible.
- Want more training? Seek it out - if not from your supervisor, from other mentors, coaches, or people outside the organization.
You can change the culture…maybe not immediately, and maybe not for the entire organization, but you certainly can do it for your team.
At best, you will change your team, the organization, and be recognized for your leadership…
At worst, you’ve changed yourself, increased your influence, and gained skills that will serve you in the future while also making life better for the people around you.
So no excuses:
Be the leader you want your boss to be!
Leave a comment and share with us:
What strategies do you use to ensure you don’t get tripped up by misaligned motivations, biology, sociology, or missing leadership tools?
Creative Commons Photo Credit: Tambako the Jaguar