Respect Must Be Earned | Lead Change GroupBosses, no, I really don’t intend on making you a target of disrespect.

Earlier this year I expounded on how much this phrase, “respect must be earned,” bugs me, in the context of a manager to employee relationship — mainly because it can be misinterpreted and give license to immature or unscrupulous managers to treat people without respect.

My reaction in that previous post was based on reading a popular business blog, which featured a post titled, “10 Things Good Bosses Do.” Here’s the relevant excerpt:

“Treat employees the way they deserve to be treated. You always hear people say they deserve respect and to be treated as equals. Well, some may not want to hear this, but a) respect must be earned, and b) most workers are not their boss’s equals.”

I got some additive responses to the last post, so I decided to expand my reach and see what other audiences might think.

Whoa. I have to admit the vehemence in which disagreement was expressed in other forums (i.e. not my blog) was enlightening. I will summarize opposing points of view like this:

Respect for the position of manager is inherent in the superior-subordinate employment relationship.

  • It need not be earned.
  • The workplace ethic has regressed to the point the worker feels “entitled” to demand personal respect in all things from all people.
  • Employees demanding respect often translates into a demand for tolerance of “entitled” behavior by everyone, including the manager.

I found it interesting that criticism of employees was described as entitlement, and at the same time, a feeling of entitlement from these bosses is exactly what I was perceiving. The work environment of today and the future is going to require supervisors to face exactly this mindset, and assess its true effectiveness.

Just to be clear…

I am not advocating managers putting up with bad performance, blatant and dangerous insubordination, abusive or destructive behavior or policy violations. I’m sorry if employees have not shown you respect simply because of your position.

It’s a balancing act. “Leaders” know that this all of this is part of the job, and as a leader, you are held to a higher standard of extending respect even when you are not receiving it or feeling it. And, extending respect to an employee does not mean you have to give an employee a raise, a promotion, a plum job assignment or a higher performance appraisal if they have not earned it.

In these scenarios I describe, you may say that you don’t “respect” these employees, or they have not earned it, but be real careful about the context in which you are using that word. As a leader, it is your responsibility to extend respect and preserve human dignity in carrying out all of your responsibilities to your employees, whether or not the actions are received as positive or negative.

Some Leadership Wisdom on Respect

I could say a whole lot more about this, but to wrap up, I think I will borrow the words of Dennis Childs, a colleague I met on LinkedIn.

“The most important attribute that will most likely determine success or failure as a leader is the ability to be a good person, …to control their most destructive humans emotions, tell the truth, [and] do what’s right… If you want employees to be decent and honourable, you must be decent and honourable.”

Originally posted at Mary’s blog: www.reimaginework.com

Photo credit iStockphoto.

Mary C Schaefer
As a coach, trainer and consultant, Mary Schaefer's expertise is in helping managers and employees conquer their dread about difficult conversations, to go into them feeling equipped and confident. Personally and professionally, Mary's mission is to create work cultures where organizations and human beings can both thrive. Mary is a former HR manager, holds a Master's degree in HR and is certified as a Professional in Human Resources (PHR). She is co-author of the book, "The Character-Based Leader." You can follow Mary on Twitter (@MarySchaefer) or join her email list at bit.ly/mary-list
Mary C Schaefer

@MarySchaefer

Speaker/Coach/Trainer/Author, specializing in #EmpoweredManager(s) and #HumansAtWork. Fierce Idealist/Farmer's Daughter
A powerful way 2get better perf from ur 'ees is 2learn skills tht naturally encourages them 2 grow &put forward their best #empoweredmanager - 3 hours ago
Mary C Schaefer
Mary C Schaefer